Uh, Phrasing! – 10 Awesome Archer Tees and Tops

Uh, Phrasing!

10 Awesome Archer Tees and Tops

Who doesn’t love Archer, I mean, seriously? The acting is awesome, the humor is razor sharp, and the animation is insane. It’s the perfect blend of sexy and suave, of slapstick and slick. He’s everyone’s favourite super-spy, and yet we can’t help but pray for him to get his comeuppance.

If you too, are an Archer fan, then you’ll love these tees and tops.



Archer is probably about as far from a social drinker as it gets. I mean, how many times have we seen him shake up antifreeze and Tang? Or rubbing alcohol and Tang? Or… Pretty much anything, and Tang. Darn, he just loves Tang, doesn’t he. But then again, who doesn’t? And now you too can channel your inner Archer, denial and all, with this funny, yet explanatory top that makes all of your excuses for you.




Is Archer being President such a bad thing? I mean, it seems anyone can get elected these days. For all his faults, Sterling Archer, the silver-tongued croc-fearing tactile-neck wearing idiot is a good guy. He’s doing right by baby AJ, and he’s even stopped having relations with ladies of the night. Therefore, I declare that should anyone else feel as strongly as I do that Archer is fit to lead the country, then yee shall buy this top, and yee shall wear it proudly.




Don’t we all crave a Lana-Archer relationship in our lives? The dangerous, yet sex, yet super-deadly sort of relationship that gets us hot under the collars, resulting in an illegitimate child born from artificial insemination? Ok, maybe not the last bit, but probably the first. And now, you can show off that secret desire by sporting one of the most well known Archer gags. If you ask me, I just think she likes hearing him scream her name. But then again, who wouldn’t?




Perhaps the only thing that occupies as much space in Archer’s heart as Lana… And AJ… And drinking… Is ocelots, and more specifically Baboo. We first learn of Archer’s ocelot-adoration in the first season when Cheryl lets slip that she has one for a pet. And, despite it’s ferocity, and incessant urination, Archer still forces himself upon it (in a platonic way, don’t worry). Combine that with Archer’s long-standing love of Lacrosse, and the place on earth he might just be happiest, and voila, you have his fantasy lacrosse team, and the shirt to go with it. You’re welcome.







We’ve all made the faux pas of getting a little too drunk at Christmas. And we’ve also all muddled words. And at one point (at least some of us), have turned up with blood on our shirts – curiously though, it wasn’t ours, and we don’t know how it got there. Weird.

Christmas also seems to be Archer’s favourite time of year. Likely because of the day drinking. But, we don’t mind, because it’s resulted in an awesome collection of clothes.



There’s no fuss, no muss, but we still have maximum effort here. A signature Archer dive, complete with dual Walther P9s? What more could a die-hard Archer fan want? It’s got Christmas spirit, and your favourite super-spy. Awesome!





I’m not quite sure anything with Archer’s face on it can qualify as ugly, but the designers of this one have done their best. In a pop art-esque halftone tiled design, Archer is surrounded by things that pale in both size, and comparison to his mightiness. It’s a blast from the past, and a nod to days gone by. And yet, it’s still cool, relevant, and it has Archer’s face on it. It’s wins all round.







It’s Archer’s face on the American flag, and it’s Christmas themed. What else is there to say? It celebrates everything that he loves. Flags. Christmas. Clothes. Well, maybe he doesn’t like clothes that much, considering how much time he spends out of them. Except for his Tactile Neck, of course – patent pending. This one’s nice and simple, and can’t not be appreciated by Archer fans the world over.




Backed by the classic Bond-themed tiled intro that we all love, along with the silenced Walther, Archer appears here in his trademark grey suit. He’s not battered, bruised, bleeding, or escaping from an enraged husband, which makes a nice change. So, if you’re the sort of person who likes his Archer clean and tidy, pre-violence and drunkenness, then this might just be the top for you.




He’s at it again. Drinking. Shooting. Diving. Drinking. Chrismasing. The works. This bold design shows him off in all his glory, and all its missing is… Well, nothing. It looks sweet as it is, and, as an added bonus, it warns people not to come near you, because you know, you are the danger zone – which, in my humble opinion, seems like an excuse to get monumentally drunk. Channel your inner-Archer and find some Tang!

Alright fellow gamers, dreamers, and schemers, until next time.

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